


Classical Conditioning

by Secretblog1212



Series: Little Spencer Reid :) [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Autistic Spencer Reid, Caregiver, Coping Mechanisms, Fluff, Happy Spencer Reid, Little, Non-Sexual Age Play, Spencer Reid Deserves to be Happy, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Stimming, Stress Relief, healthy coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 09:14:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secretblog1212/pseuds/Secretblog1212
Summary: So his regression time had come to be routine after returning from a case, whether it just be him getting ready for bed and reading one of his books, or getting to grab a few of the larger and more active toys he’d gotten over the last few months to play with.Spencer didn’t realize that he had begun to anticipate the relief that would come when he got home from a case until the pattern was deeply ingrained into him.
Relationships: Family Dynamic - Relationship, Team dynamic - Relationship, The BAU - Relationship
Series: Little Spencer Reid :) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206818
Comments: 15
Kudos: 63





	Classical Conditioning

**Author's Note:**

> More little Spencer? It's more likely than you think. He's still regressing alone, though this will be fixed soon hopefully. :D I mentioned spencer going to help Morgan on his houses in this fic, but that's not what my next little fic is planned to be for this so just a warning that is not how they're going to find out. I'm just garbage. The renovations go as planned and Spencer doesn't have to fight his headspace. XD

Spencer was a man of routine. Every morning when he woke up he would follow the same steps to get ready, permitted of course he wasn’t being called in early where he would need to rush. He had a nightly routine as well which he never felt right to stray from. Therefore Spencer wasn’t shocked when he began to find where to put his coping technique into his schedule regularly. 

After the first month of ‘experimenting’, which was really more Spencer convincing himself he was allowed to want things that made him feel better, he had forced himself to call it as it was. Spencer Reid was regressing, and he had come to terms with the fact that it was alright. That didn’t make going to stores to buy more books or find a new toy any easier, but it did wonders for keeping Spencer at ease with himself. 

Spencer had found that he tended to regress once he would get back from a case. After the first few times, he noticed that not only did it help him fall and have a more restful sleep, but it also helped to release the tension that he had forgotten hadn’t used to be on his shoulders. 

Regressing also gave him a bit more of an appetite, though he didn’t normally keep much in his apartment, and ordering out was a definite no unless he grabbed something on his way home, he normally had enough to satisfy himself. It was bittersweet, he thought, his mom always said he was too skinny and now that he felt like the child she could never properly take care of he was finally eating regularly. 

So his regression time had come to be routine after returning from a case, whether it just be him getting ready for bed and reading one of his books, or getting to grab a few of the larger and more active toys he’d gotten over the last few months to play with. 

Spencer didn’t realize that he had begun to anticipate the relief that would come when he got home from a case until the pattern was deeply ingrained into him. 

The moment the plane was in sight Spencer felt his posture begin to sag, well more than usual at least. It was the first time he pinned the feeling of relief that came with going home to his headspace. The entire team was happy to be leaving the bustling crowds of New York City, but unlike him, the others seemed to be buzzing with energy. 

They had had a climactic stand-off with the Unsub, an intern who had been trying to take out corrupt company leaders, which ended in success. The subject was arrested and put in custody without any more people getting hurt.

Though his adrenaline was wearing off, Spencer knew it shouldn’t make him this drowsy. He only felt this calm and ready to go to sleep when he was regressing at home, and- Oh.

The moment he made the connection Spencer wondered how he didn’t see it before. He had conditioned himself to associate finishing a case with regression. It made sense seeing as how he stuck to the same pattern for months to follow up their return from a case with allowing himself to regress, but he hadn’t realized that the feeling he got when he started to regress was shifting. At first, he had to actively initiate his headspace by making sure he was in a safe location and using something soft, usually changing his clothes and holding a toy, before he started to feel the fluttery feeling of regression take over. Reflecting back on their more recent cases Spencer could pinpoint the feeling coming on earlier and earlier. Once on his way home from the BAU, he even recalled chastising himself for being impatient! But then, a few cases later he dozed on and off on the flight home, allowing himself to float just on the edges of his headspace where he could pull himself out of it when he needed to. The others were all sleeping or occupying themselves so he hadn’t thought much of it.

And now, here Spencer was, feeling his regression coming on before they even got the plane into the air.

He felt a bit silly and had to actively fight not to show any signs of embarrassment at catching himself. Even then he felt his cheeks warm at the thought of being so near to his teammates while in this mindset. 

It wasn’t that he thought they would make fun of him, though he was sure they would make jokes once they knew he was comfortable with it, as much as the idea of them finding out in the first place. Each of them had their own lives out of the office, but there weren’t many secrets between them. Spencer knew that if any of them asked him he would struggle to find a convincing lie to satiate them with. They would push unless Spencer expressed discomfort, after which they might push even harder, albeit out of love and concern. 

Spencer settled down away from the others to try to gather himself during take-off, but that only seemed to draw the other’s attention to him. 

“Hey, Pretty boy, what are you doing so far over there for?” Morgan called out to him, already having taken out a deck of playing cards. From across the plane, Spencer could see JJ and Prentiss were sitting across from him. “We were just thinking of playing a few games so if you want to come over here to show us all up you better hurry.”

Spencer thought about it, but the warm feeling was still prominent in his mind. He wasn’t regressed, per se, but it was close enough that he didn’t want to risk the interaction exposing him. If he lost a game on accident that was sure to make his team suspicious, but it would be even worse if he was failing to keep pace with them, as slow as he currently felt. He cleared his throat, bringing a to his satchel, “I was actually thinking I would do some reading today. Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be opportunities for me to beat you all later.”

The sass seemed to satisfy Morgan, who rolled his eyes and began to shuffle the deck. Emily and JJ laughed, but turned around and fastened their seat belts for take off. 

Hotch and Rossi were sitting at a table not far off from Morgan and the others, both smiled at the scene. 

Spencer reasoned that he felt comfortable enough to begin to slip into his headspace on the plane because he trusted his team enough to feel completely safe around them, even if the idea of telling them something so personal sent anxiety through him like electricity in water. 

Take off was smooth, and the team all fell into a rhythm. Spencer had pulled out one of his books, though he found himself struggling to stay focused on the text. He couldn’t seem to shake the fog that laid over his mind. It wasn’t enough to be him feeling his full regression, but just enough for it to be distracting. 

The flight itself was only a little over an hour-long, so the idea of sleeping to clear his head was kept to just an idea. It would be suspicious of him to fall asleep on such a short flight back, especially since it was barely the evening yet. 

Morgan and the girls had played through a few rounds before the man split off from their group, coming to sit down right next to Spencer. His sudden presence next to him was enough to shock Spencer out of his thoughts.

“You feeling alright kid?” Morgan asked before Spencer could come up with something to say. 

Spencer thought he had been doing a pretty good job at coming off as just reading but the others had noticed the way his eyes were glazed over. He could barely focus on the words in front of him, and it had shown. 

Spencer marked his page before setting his book in his lap. “Yeah, sorry I was zoned out a bit there. Did something happen?” If Spencer missed some cue or question it would make sense as to why Morgan had come over to him, but he was usually pretty good at reacting and pulling himself to reality when he was addressed directly. It wasn’t like it was anything new either, most of his teammates had caught him lost in his own thoughts at least once already.

“No nothing happened, you just seem a bit off tonight. I was wondering if you might want to come out with a few of us tonight, Hotch and JJ have to get home to the kiddos, but when we get back a couple of us are going to see about heading out to a bar for some drinks.”

Spencer was conflicted. He didn’t really feel like going out and getting tipsy was a good idea when he was already so close to dropping into his headspace, but he also didn’t want to let the coping mechanism take over his life. He should be in control of it, not the other way around. No matter what he did it felt like a lose-lose situation. 

Morgan caught on to his hesitation, letting Reid know that he didn’t have to come if he had plans, “It’s just been a while since we’ve gotten together outside of work. The past few months have been rough on us all, but no worries if you can’t come out.”

Reid could read between the lines well enough to realize that what Morgan was really saying was that he was concerned for Spencer, but wouldn’t force him to go if he didn’t want to. Not going would only make them more suspicious, but Spencer had never drunk when he felt this close to his headspace. It would be an uncontrolled variable. 

“I- um. It isn’t that I don’t want to Morgan, I should probably head straight home once we get off though. Maybe if we’re free over the weekend we can meet up somewhere, or I can come help you renovate. I can’t promise I’ll be much help but I’m sure there’s something I could do. I-”

Morgan laughed, stopping Reid in the middle of what was going to become another fast-paced ramble. “You’re good Reid. What, you got something waiting for you at home? Or maybe a special someone? I won’t pry, at least not yet, but I may take you up on that offer if you’re still willing this weekend.” Morgan clapped a hand over Spencer’s shoulder, using it to push himself back to his feet. “I would like to know if someone is seeing our Pretty Boy, so don’t keep me in the dark for long kid.”

Spencer stuttered out a promise that he wasn’t seeing anyone, he just needed to go home tonight, but Morgan was already shuffling back to go talk to Hotch and Rossi. 

It looked like Spencer had plans for the weekend now, but it would be worth keeping his secret.

The plane ride seemed to pass by quickly after that. Spencer was able to finish his book just as they were getting ready to land. Everyone shuffled off of the jet and back into the building. They had a few hours before they would be leaving for home, and everyone was focused on trying to finish up as much paperwork as they could. If they did it now, that meant they wouldn’t have to stay late tomorrow, or even worse, bring it home to do over the weekend.

Spencer was the first to say goodbye that evening. Being in the office setting had helped him to pull his act together, but by the time six o’clock hit he was more than ready to head home.

He made sure to talk to the others on his way out, he did feel sorry for not talking on the plane, and not heading out with them that night, but the more he thought about it the more Morgan was right. He did have someone waiting for him, multiple people actually. A whole box full of stuffed animals was anxiously awaiting his return and he would hate to make them wait any longer than strictly necessary. 

Conversation passed quickly and Spencer all but ran from the building, as if he was afraid he’d get called back in if he waited much longer. As Spencer made his way home he could already feel the familiar excitement bubbling up in his chest. He wanted to chastise himself for allowing his headspace to get so far out of his control, but he’d work on un-conditioning himself later.

The bus ride home was no more eventful than usual, a few children playing six seats ahead of him, and an older lady who was working on a crossword book near the front doors, but everyone else was completely and undeniably average. Spencer made sure he was blending in, not shuffling or moving enough to draw anyone’s attention as he looked out the window. He had decisions to make after all, like what toys he was going to get out for the night, and if he should order food in or try to make something before he lets himself slip fully into his headspace. 

A quick analysis told him it was unlikely he’d be able to push his headspace off given how prominent it had been earlier in the day, so Spencer got off of the bus a stop early. It was easy to grab a pizza and walk the last few streets to his apartment building. 

By the time Spencer was unlocking his front door, his mind was buzzing. Spencer set the pizza on his counter, grabbing a plate and cup down from his cabinets. He didn’t tend to keep milk or pop with how often he was gone, but water would suffice for the night. He had powder for lemonade or water flavorings but that would take twenty-three seconds to grab down from his pantry, and then it would take another forty-eight seconds to open the package and stir it until it began to dissolve. That was over a minute, and Spencer didn’t feel like waiting that long. 

Spencer peeled two slices of pizza off and set them on his plate, closing the lid and then leaning over to the sink to fill up his glass. Spencer knew he should invest in cups with lids, if not ones with straws, but the idea of buying some things still flustered him when he was in public. It made sense behind closed doors where he could rely on logic alone, but the thought of someone recognizing him was enough to take any confidence he had and crumple it into a ball. He didn’t even necessarily have to get a ‘kid cup’, he could get a regular water bottle that would function just the same, but none of them were as appealing as the ones with space ships or character designs. 

He knew none of his team members would question him having the cup, but he would know and that was more than enough at the moment. 

With his dinner, ready Spencer sat himself down at his kitchen table and ate quickly. The faster he ate the sooner he’d be able to get out his toys without the risk of making a mess. 

While he ate Spencer debated on what he wanted to get out tonight. Of course, his stuffed animals were a must, he’d been away for days so he’d have to say hello to each and every one of them. And while Spencer would always love science experiments, he wasn’t sure he was feeling ‘big’ enough to mess with one of his science kits.

Spencer had been learning a lot more about regression in general since he’d started this pattern, and now that he knew the commonly used language, as well as technical terms he felt much more equipped to understand what he was feeling. It was because of that that he realized he didn’t always regress to the same age. Most of the time he felt as if he were right around four or five, but if he were particularly stressed or tense sometimes he would feel even younger. It was a bit scary, but all of his research pointed to that being normal. Some people even regressed to a fully infantile state where they became entirely codependent on their caregiver. Spencer was glad he seemed to stay in an age range where he could be self-sufficient, he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he began to regress any younger and lost his ability to take care of himself in his headspace. 

He felt like he was teetering on the edge of three and four, but knew that once he showered and got into his pajamas he was more than likely going to be on the younger side of his regression, and that was before he got to any of his toys. 

No science tonight, he decided. His books would be nice though. He had almost a dozen now, though he already seemed to realize he had a tendency to lean towards sensory books. He liked being able to feel the different textures, or hear the audio clips when he pushed a button. The bright colors weren’t a hard desire to please, but Spencer couldn’t remember the last time he’d read a book with pictures before he’d bought his first child's book months ago. 

He had yet to find a book with different smells, though he figured that might be for the best. He did however have a package of scented markers which he couldn’t resist. They were for scientific purposes, of course, he wanted to see how true to the real scent the markers could get. Of course, that came with a few drawings, and now Spencer had a drawer dedicated to his regressed self’s art that he never had the heart to throw away the next morning. 

Books and color sounded fun, but when Spencer wandered into his room to grab his pajamas before he showered something else caught his eye. It was something he wasn’t sure how he would feel about at the moment, but he’d let his curiosity get the better of him at the store two weeks ago. A puzzle, much smaller than the thousands of piece puzzles he was used to. It was only fifty pieces total, but the design had been cute and Spencer found it hard to resist. 

He hadn’t had a chance to build it yet, much to his dismay. That, he decided, would be the second thing on his list, after greeting all of his friends of course.

A quick shower later and Spencer found himself walking back into his room, much more clean and cozy than before.

First, he went into his closet, pulling out the box with all of his smaller toys. He had a few different Rubik’s cubes, his books, as well as a handful of stuffed animals. The other items like his experiment kits and his puzzles had been too big to fit. He had gotten some Lego kits as well, though he had finished building those last weekend, and decided to leave them propped up on his shelves. 

Focusing back on the stuffed animal’s Spencer pulled out his Bunny first. He had quite a few now, and while he knew Morgan would laugh at him, each one had their own name. His bunny was just that, Bunny. He had debated coming up with something more inventive but by the time he realized he was referring to Bunny as Bunny, it was too late. 

He gave Bunny a hug, brushing one of his long ears across his cheek. “Hey, sorry I left. ‘M back now though, and we’re going to do a puzzle.” He whispered, feeling a bit silly as he melted into his headspace. Another thing he had learned was that talking to his stuffed animals felt nice. It made things less lonely.

Spencer reached back into the box, “Hello Margery,” He told the duck with a pet down the back. “I hope you guys weren’t too bored while I was gone. Did you read any books?”

Margery was named after his mom’s favorite author, known for her autobiography  _ The Book of Margery Kempe _ , which is thought to be the first autobiography in the English language. He liked to think that Margery liked to read while he was away. She reminded him of his mom and how she used to read to him. It made him feel a little less homesick to hold her close at times.

Next, he pulled out a shark. He didn’t think that the shark would be much of his style, but he came with a book on marine life that had been too tempting to resist. In the book, his name was Gabriel the Great White, but Spencer personally thought he looked more like a Gerald than a Gabriel. But, that wasn’t up to him, so he kept it down to just Gee. “Hello, Gee. I just took a shower, so I’m all wet like if I were just swimming. Did you know that the water in DC, as well as most other regulated waters, have chemical compounds such as chlorine or ammonia that help to kill off bacteria and microorganisms? That’s what makes tap water safe to drink.” Spencer pauses in thought before turning back to the Shark plushie. “I don’t think I would like to take a bath in the ocean though, I think the salt concentration would make my skin feel strange. Saltwater is dehydrating, so it makes your skin and hair dry.”

Spencer nods for Gee, of course, he knew that he’d a shark after all. 

And last but not least was a dog wearing a blue Star Trek uniform, who Spencer gave the rank of Captain. He always made sure everything stayed in place when Spencer was away. “Captain,” He said with a nod. “Thank you for your report. I’m glad there were no signs of trouble.”

Spencer sat and chattered with the toys for a few minutes, telling them about what had happened in New York, though that made him feel something bad in his stomach so he quickly brought the conversation back to where he wanted it to be. 

“Oh! Let’s do the puzzle now. Wait there, I’ll go grab it.” He told them, already pushing himself to his knees so he could lean over to where the box was left under his piano. He had been in a hurry when he originally got it, having gotten a text from Hotch about a case that made him rush to get back in, then out as fast as he could. He had let it sit on the floor, still in the store bag until now. He had felt a little embarrassed, and if he were being honest, scared to play with it. If it was too simple it wouldn’t keep his attention for very long, but he didn’t think he wanted it to be hard either. He had purposely gotten one that was smaller with fewer pieces, one with a hundred felt like it would be more of a challenge in his headspace and Spencer didn’t want to have to think that much, though admittedly he would probably still find it fun. His headspace was for calming himself down and letting his mind turn off, and while he loved puzzles and putting things together he was worried that doing a puzzle might make him feel older.

He didn’t have any doubts right now, just excitement as he plopped the box down in the middle of the semicircle he had made for him and his toys to play in. He probably should have moved to somewhere else, the floor wouldn’t be comfortable for long, but Spencer didn’t need to think of those things right now. He just wanted to focus on the puzzle.

The picture on the front showed a knight battling a dragon. He hadn’t been able to resist once he’d seen it, reminded of all the fantasy classics he’d read in his childhood. 

He cracked the box open and dumped all the pieces to the floor.

“Okay, Bunny you take all the corner pieces, and Gee you can take the border ones. Captain, you’ll be in charge of telling us what the picture is supposed to look like. Oh, and Margery, you’ll take the middle pieces.”

Spencer sorted out the pieces into their respective piles, before getting to work. It didn’t take him very long, of course, but longer than he had originally anticipated. That might have been because he was already feeling a little younger than normal, but he felt as if it was working in his favor. All together the puzzle took them twenty-eight minutes to complete, though the sorting took almost a third of that time. 

Finishing the puzzle was exciting, even if Spencer already knew what it was supposed to look like. It was almost as satisfying as figuring out the pieces to a case. Spencer bounced his legs as best as he could while sitting on the floor. His body felt like it was coursing with energy.

Before he could think much of it he was back on his feet. He picked everyone up, setting them on his bed with a little less coordination than he thought they would have preferred. They didn’t mind though, not really. 

Spencer wasn’t jumping, but he did rock back and forth on his toes. The movement felt nice. It was something else that he had actively started to bring into his life, stimming. He could remember his teachers and dad shushing him, ‘quiet hands’ was not something that was new, but his impulse control seemed to be much less refined when he was in his headspace. Perhaps that was a good thing, he thought. 

Spencer let one of his hands twirl into his hair. His body was practically vibrating with the good feeling. It was nice. Nice, nice, nice. It felt good. Good, good, good.

Spencer slowly settled back down, his energy released with the movement. The sun was only just starting to go down, so he had a while longer before he would go to bed.

He debated. Spencer could go to the living room and watch a movie, he had been wanting to rewatch Star Trek since he had gotten Captain almost a month and a half ago, but had never had a long enough evening to watch a full movie before he got tired. 

He glanced at the bed, and Captain seemed to be telling him yes.

A movie would be really nice, he decided, carrying everyone into the living room. Spencer set the movie in to play, before climbing back on the couch. His mom’s blanket was soft and heavy around his shoulders as he got comfortable. 

Stark Trek started up and Spencer pulled Captain into his lap with a whisper. “I think you’ll really like the movie. We can talk about it later.” He said, letting his eys focus on the familiar images beginning to play out up on the screen.


End file.
